Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize