Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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