dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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