I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
