cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
