My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
