she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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