I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize