I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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