Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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