If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
