He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
