Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
