Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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