just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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