I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize