Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
