so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
