We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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