Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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