is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize