No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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