I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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