Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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