It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
