We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
