he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
