i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
