did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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