Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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