craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
