he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Come share oat with me in your robe
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
