he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
