After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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