she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
