your thong is hanging out like whoa
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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