I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
