My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
