it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had sex on a roof
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
