too bad you live with your parents still
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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