I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
