At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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