my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
