Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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