Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
