I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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