i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
