I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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