Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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