Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry my hands just texted you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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