i may or may not be watching the land before time
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
