so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
