Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
