it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My penis needs a shock collar
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
