so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did I show you my penis last night?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
