Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
