TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
