did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What a dumb baby whore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
