I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just pee around me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
