if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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