Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Damn victory sex feels great
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
