Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize