So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
