If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
