I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
