Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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