Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
