it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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