Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He did a backflip because drugs
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