I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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