Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
