For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize