I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I will pee on everything he values.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
