areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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