Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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