We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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