haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
