you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
