I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
