I want to make a zoo with you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
