how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
