upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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