is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
