i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
