she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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