Nicole vs. Life
where am i from again
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
