I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
