Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
