I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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