my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
