he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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