Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
