I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
