Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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