accomplished twins. life is a go
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
