i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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