I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
