This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
