So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
