He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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