we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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