So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize