I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
