So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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