My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize