I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
