so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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