i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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