You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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