Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize