According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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