the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
