Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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